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Ten Best Things To Say If You Get Caught Sleeping At Work:



10. "They told me at the blood bank this might happen."



9. "This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in that

time management course you sent me to."



8. "Whew! Guess I left the top off the White-Out. You probably got

here just in time!"



7. "I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and

envisioning a new paradigm."



6. "I was testing my keyboard for drool resistance."



5. "I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve

work-related stress. Are you discriminatory toward people who

practice Yoga?"



4. "Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to

our biggest problem."



3. "The coffee machine is broken..."



2. "Someone must've put decaf in the wrong pot..."



And the #1 best thing to say if you get caught sleeping at your

desk...



1. " ... in Jesus' name. Amen."



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A man walks into a drug store with his 13-year old son. They walk by the

condom display and the boy asks, "What are these, Dad?"



The man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called condoms, son.



Men use them to have safe sex."



"Oh," replied the boy. "Yes I've heard of that in health class at school."

He picks up a package of 3 and asks, "Why are there 3 in this package?"



The dad replies, "Those are for high-school boys. One for Friday, one for

Saturday, and one for Sunday."



"Cool!" says the boy. He notices a 6-pack and asks, "Then who are these for?



"Those are for college men," the dad answers. "Two for Friday, two for

Saturday, and two for Sunday."



"WOW!" exclaimed the boy. "Then who uses these?" he asks, picking up a

12-pack.



With a sigh, the dad replies, "Those are for married men. One for January,

one for February, one for..."

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WOMEN'S ENGLISH:



Yes = No.



No = Yes.



Maybe = No.



We need = I want.



I'm sorry = You'll be sorry.



We need to talk = I need to complain.



Sure, go ahead = I don't want you to.



Is my butt fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful.



Do what you want = You'll pay for this later.



I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!



Are you listening to me?? = Too late, you're dead.



You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me.



Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs.



You're so...manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot.



Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive.



It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by

now.



You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think

about?



I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good

game on

TV.



How much do you love me? = I did something today that you're

really not

going to like.



MEN'S ENGLISH:



I'm hungry = I'm hungry.



I'm sleepy = I'm sleepy.



I'm tired = I'm tired.



Nice dress = Nice cleavage!



I love you = Let's have sex now.



I'm bored = Do you want to have sex?



What's wrong? = I guess sex is out of the question.



May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you.



Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you.



Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you.



Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you.



Will you marry me? = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex

with

other guys.



You look tense, let me give you a massage = I want to have sex

with you

within the next ten minutes.



Let's talk = I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a

deep person

and then I'd like to have sex with you.

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