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Discussion Starter #1
I have a question. My son is 16, he's was placed in a school for 6 weeks(one that you cant just walk out of class). He was placed their mainly because My wife and i pushed the issue. He was always tardy, skipping school, no fighting or drugs(as far as I can tell). He's basically the A-typical example of a slacker. When he does go to class, he dont make a ruckus, he just sits and does nothing. He has ran away 4 times, stolen wifes car, ran from me when i caught him in the house with his friends... but always comes home "when his head clears", last night he bailed again.
I have gone thru local programs before i.e. boot camp tour, counseling, psychotherapist, etc. They tell me that the only way i can get my son into the boot camp is thru a Judges order. The boy is just beyond intelligent, he seems to do just enough to keep from getting in any real trouble.
My question is this>can i make an appointment to talk to a judge who may be able to help me out? If tried the truency rout, but the school systems here in El Paso are HORRIBLE. its a constant and uphill battle with the schools....hell, when my son goes to class, they cant even tell me if he's at school.

My wife just called, he's at school right now....

thanks, jeff
 

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Man, sounds like you really have your hands full. I dont know about the services available in Texas, but here we have a thing called the Becca Bill. It basically is a court order to the kids to do what they need to do; ie go to school, lays out behavior rules etc. In order to petition the court for the order the parent has to contact juvenile hall and request a hearing with a juvenile court judge and fill out a the petition as to why they (you) need it.

I dont know if it is available there, but a call to the local juvenile court should be able to help.

Good luck.

Rodger
 

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Man, I don't know the direct answer your question, nor am I a child psy - but spend some time with this kid. A lot.

YOU will make the difference. :wink:

(Thats not a generic response either)
 

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Sorry to hear about your son Jeff. Sure sounds like you have your hands full. In NJ we have a unit called FCIU ( Family Crisis Intervention Unit) which helps to deal with this type of problem. The can help with in home visits and mandate certain in home rules that must be followed by the youths. They also provide counseling services for the family. I'd bet you have something similar in your state.

Typically the courts do not get involved with the juveniles until they have been charged with a offense. Sorry I can't help more.
 

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You might try talking to a Juvenile Judge(usually a DC Judge), they can give you the order for him to be placed in Juvenil Detention. It is what is called a Juvenile in need of supervision. CPS can also help with this, along with talking to your local Juvenile Detention center. Hope the info helps, good luck. It seems you definitely have your hands full.
 

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Discussion Starter #7
in a nutshell, my 16 year old is doing great. Yeah, he failed school this year, but we will see what we can do to get the boy graduated. attitude and etc has taken a turn for the better. He seems to be doing really good( of course, its summer and theres no school) But he and I are getting along great.

The other side of the coin. My 15 year old flipped out today and was arrested for domestic violence. He's in the juvenile facility as I type. they may keep him til tuesday, we dont know yet. He is my "angry" son. I thought he was going to punch my wife today after beating down his brother. the boy scares me. I'm really affraid he will hurt somoene one of these days. so, I held him on the ground til the police showed up and took him away. Wow, what a day....thanks for giving me a place to vent.

jeff
 

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Discussion Starter #9
thats the first step on tuesday...i dont think its the issue, but i want to verify it. thanks

jeff
 

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Good luck Jeff... I hope everything works out for your kids!! :wink: :wink:

I can say from experience that no matter how bad it looks, it will work out...
 

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Discussion Starter #11
he was pretty humble when we picked him up from the juvenile center. Now that the courts are officially involved, maybe we can get this boy on track. He's the one who wants to join the Marines as soon as he graduates, and I'd love to see that boy graduate from boot camp. I think that will really help him and give him guidance like it did for me. And, knowing that I'm not the perfect father, I plan on attending whatever he and I need to do. I REALLY want my son back....not this bad-ass little gangster that hes acting like.

thanks everyone, the venting helps a LOT.

Jeff
 

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No offense man but have you whipped their asses? Many boys including me needed it regularly to stay on track. I dont mean a beating but a ass whipping. Sitting down with a cup of hot coco only works on girls or in the movies. Some need it more than others. Thinking back without the fear of violent repercussions whats to stop a guy from doing anything? Some need it from cradle to grave. Fortunately I learned to behave myself and respect others but not without getting my butt whooped along the way.
 

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Discussion Starter #13
I agree, my 15 year old basically decided that he would leave if i whipped him. My 16 year old, dont even blink when you spank him. It doesn't work. I'm not going to chase my 15 yr old around the house so i can hold him down and whip his ass. He and I have an agreement, if you dont want to be spanked, then PT. I smoke them like boot camp.... they eventually get tired and see things my way. Lately, my angry son just says he's tired and quits....walks off. I'm a big guy 6'1"-ish 260 pounds, the boy is not scared of me----at all. He needs his ass kicked, but Its not an option....I used to let him cool off, no more. Enough is enough. The disrespect and basic Fuck you, I'm leaving is over. The Big Lie is done screwing around and being NICE. I'll just call the police, I hate to waste their time, but I need help from someone....maybe the courts and a judge will help us.
 

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Again no offense but at that point I would no longer be able to stop from beating the shit out of the motherfuckers. If I had to Id pick up whatever I needed to use and do that to. Maybe a taser or pepper spray. At this point you have to just say fuck em. I couldnt allow that behavoir in my house from no man. Ive seen this stuff before at a relatives house and it just should not be allowed. Extra hard heads need extra hard licks. Of course dont kill them if you can help it. Anything you do will be self defense right? :wink: You must win no matter what.
 

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lie2 - With all due respect to the opinions expressed here, I'm sure only you can determine where to draw "The Line" in your house... 8) 8)

In today's (sometimes dysfunctional) families, it's pretty hard to call the shots unless you're there... Hell, it's pretty hard even if you are there... :wink: :wink:

The only advice I'll offer when it comes to corporal punishment is this: Never, NEVER strike anyone in anger, & always be absolutely sure to confine the blows to that portion of the anatomy that the Good Lord intended for this purpose... :D :D

In my household, I've tried to avoid "spanking" my kids (with mixed results), since they've been about 6 or 8... I found that this type of punishment lost it's effectiveness @ about this time, when other punishments became more effective!!

I don't envy you having to try to discipline 2 adolescent boys... Good luck...
 

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Discussion Starter #16
I tried it for awhile, but like i said, all it does is piss the 15 year old off and the 16 does absolutely nothing. my 11 year old son still thinks that i will spank him, so he's quick to straighten up.
I agree with you Go, I know where to draw the line, this is why I choose not to spank the two oldest. I'm obviously no weakling, and my sons bruise very easily. I've worked and been thru tooooo much shit to get kicked out of the military for beating my sons ass. not to mention, I will officially retire for the first time @ 39. Less than 5 years from now.
We are gonna work to get him back online and an "active ingredient" to my family recipe. It just kills me to see him act like such a punk, he's a good kid, just has issues....cant give up though, thats one thing i just cant do.

Spoiler, Its hard to explain, being disrespected in my own house by a 15/16 year old...its hard not to crush them, but I cant do it. I just dont get where my son LOST his respect for me. He wont do it again, and if he does, he's well aware of the consequences. He's got the mentality that he can actually whip my ass, fight anyone who disrespects him, thinks everything is 'unfair', thinks someone should be broken down for touching him....I swear to Goodness that he thinks he's "50 Cent" or Tu-Pac....

I was raised never to hit a woman, NEVER disrespect your parents, and take care of your family. To this day 34 years later, I've never hit a woman, NEVER disrespected(much less raise a hand too) my father & mother......always take care of my family/friends. I just dont understand where everything changed so quickly...
 

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lie2me said:
I just dont understand where everything changed so quickly...
Welcome to Parenthood, Phase II... This is the part that isn't covered in the fancy brochure... :roll: :roll:

Lie2 - Just a random thought... Have you tried to get the boys riding?? A coupla dirtbikes & some rocky terrain have changed many lives here... I'm sure you can get some testimony!! :wink: :wink: It's just a thought...
 

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Discussion Starter #18
my wife and i have discussed it before, but not thought too seriously about it.....that would defintely give us more "family" time which I dont think we do near as much as we used to....I need to work on that. I'll keep it in mind. thanks, mike.
 

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lie2me,take the 15 & 16 year old to court.Have them declared "incouragable" by the judge. CPS will take them to the foster system. Problem solved. The 11 year old will learn from this. If parents don't do their job, the penal system will. Some kids are just shit. No amount of "rehabilitation", no amount of money will help them. These kids are out of control, they need a strap, not love & attention.
 

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Discussion Starter #20
he's been walking a straight line since i had him arrested(15 yr). He's still got the attitude, but he's holding his tongue and keeping his hands to himself. I'm still waiting to hear from the courts to see which avenue to take next.

My 16 yr old has figured that the rules change in august when he turns 17. He's doing very well, other than the normal teenage stuff whivh doesn't bother me.

I think the worst part is what you said about my 11 yr old, he sees the way they act and what my wife will put up with and he will push it...but he's still 11 and easy to keep in check when he acts up.

BTW, both my teenagers are going to grandmas house for a month this summer. Gramma has limited funds and lives out in the woods in Kentucky. No, I'm not off loading them on gramma :wink: , my family Ky are taking vacation while the boys are there. Hopefully a break from mom and dad will help them see how good it is at home. I know I can use a break.

thanks Norty, thats an option that I may have to use, but I hope it doesn't come to that.
 
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