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An old farmer had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back forty, had it fixed up nice, picnic tables, horseshoe courts, basketball court, etc. The pond was fixed for swimming when it was built.

One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer he saw it was a bunch
young women skinny dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end
of the pond. One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!" The old man replied, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim or make you get out of the pond, I only came to feed my alligators."

Old age & treachery will triumph over youth & skill! <img src=http://www.ezboard.com/intl/aenglish/images/emoticons/laugh.gif ALT=":lol">


> > A woman decides to have a facelift for her 47th
> birthday. She spends
> > $20,000
> > and feels pretty good about the results.
> >
> > On her way home she stops at a news-stand to buy a
> paper. Before leaving
> > she
> > asks the sales clerk, I hope you don't mind my
> asking, but how old do you
> > think I am? About 32, the clerk replies. I'm
> actually 47, the woman says
> > happily. A little while later she goes into
> McDonald's and asks the
> counter
> > girl the same question. She replies, I'd guess
> about 29. The woman
> > replies,
> > Nope, I am 47! Now she is feeling really good
> about herself.
> > While waiting for the bus home, she asks an old
> man the same question. He
> > replies, I'm 78 and my eyesight is going.
> Although, when I was young,
> there
> > was a sure way to tell how old a woman was, but it
> requires you to let me
> > put my hands down your knickers. Then, I can tell
> exactly how old you are.
> > They waited in silence on the empty street until
> curiosity got the better
> > of
> > the woman and she finally says, What the hell, go
> ahead. The old man slips
> > both hands down her knickers and begins to feel
> around. After several
> > minutes she says, Okay, how old am I? He removes
> his hands slowly and
> > says,
> > You are 47. Stunned, the woman says, That is
> amazing. How do you know? The
> > old man replies, I was behind you in McDonald's.



Luck is a loser's excuse for a winner's position!</p>

<img src=http://www.ezboard.com/intl/aenglish/images/emoticons/laugh.gif ALT=":lol"> <img src=http://www.ezboard.com/intl/aenglish/images/emoticons/laugh.gif ALT=":lol"> <img src=http://www.ezboard.com/intl/aenglish/images/emoticons/laugh.gif ALT=":lol">


A well-known Good Bastard bought a new BMW and was on the Freeway between Sydney and Newcastle doing 130. He suddenly noticed a flashing cop car bearing down on him. "Hmmp," he said, "My new Bimmer will out pace him". So he flattens out to 180 and climbing. Then the reality hit him, "What am I doing, those bastards would have taken my number." So he pulls over and prepares to take his medicine. A big cop gets out of the car and took the licence out his hand and examined it. "Its been a long day." He said "It's the end of my shift, it's Friday the 13th and I sure don't want any more paper work. If you can give me an excuse that I haven't heard before, I will let you go."
The Good Bastard scratches his head and thinks, then says "Last week my wife ran away with a cop. I though you were him trying to bring her back."
"Have a nice weekend." Said the officer as he handed back the license.


Luck is a loser's excuse for a winner's position!</p>
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