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So I´m starting:

A blonde goes to the doctor's and find out she is pregnant with twins. She starts crying and the doctor asks her what's wrong. She replies, "I know who the dad is for one of them but I don't know who the dad is for the other one!" :lol:
 

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One night a couple was lying in bed. The husband was feeling frisky so he rolled over and tapped his wife on the shoulder and started rubbing her arm. The wife turns over and says "I'm sorry honey, but I have a gynaecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh."

Rejected, the husband turns over and tries to sleep. A few minutes later he rolls over and whispers in her ear "Do you have a dentist appointment, too?"
 

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Two Men were out fishing when one decides to have a smoke
He asks the other guy if he has a lighter
He replies "Yes I do!" and hands the other a 10 inch long BIC lighter
Surprised the guy asks "Where did you get this?"
The guy replies "Oh I have a personal genie."
The first man asks "Can I make a wish? "
Sure says the other man "Just make sure that you speak clearly cause he is a little hard at hearing"
"Ok I will" says the other as he rubs the lamp a genie appears and asks the man what he wants
The man says " I want a Million Bucks "
The genie says OK and goes back to his bottle and 10 seconds later a million ducks fly over head
And the guy says to the other " Your genie realy sucks at hearing doesnt he?"
The other man replies "I know, do you really think I asked for a 10 inch BIC"
 

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Which of the following words cant be beat and does not belong: meat, eggs, wife, blowjob?

Blowjob. You can beat your meat, eggs, and wife; but you can't beat a blowjob.
 

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you know what a tornado and a women have in common.. they both come in blowing and sucking and in the end you lose your car and house.
 

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A newlywed couple on their honeymoon prepares to see each other naked for the first time.

The husband exposes his knotted and twisted feet. He explains, "I had tolio as a child."

The wife asks if he means polio. He says, "No, it only affects the toes."

He removes his pants and reveals deformed knees. He admits, "I had kneesles, too."

Finally, he pulls off his boxers. In shock, the woman gasps, "Oh no -- smallcox, too!"
 

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Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic Team?

Because everyone who can run jump and swim are already in the U.S.
 

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C'mon man...if we gonna tell some jokes...let's put some good ones out there now.....

A guy walks into a bar, and sees a jar on the end of the bar full of money. Well, after a few drinks, he asks the bartender "hey, what's with this jar full of money here?". The bartender replies "well, there's this horse out back, and if you can make him laugh, you can have all the money in that jar". The guy thinks for a minute, finishes his drink, and walks out back. A few moments later, the bartender hears a roaring laugh coming from out back, goes and looks, and sure shit, that horse is rolling on the ground laughing. The guy walks back inside, takes the jar of money, and leaves. A few weeks pass, and the guy comes back to the bar to find another jar of money, and asks the bartender again "make him laugh and get the money?". Bartender says "nope...this time if you can make the horse cry, you get the money". The thinks for a minute, finishes his drink, goes out back and sure shit, the bartender hears the horse start bawling its brains out. The guy comes back inside, grabs the jar of money, and goes to leave. As he heads for the door, the bartender stops him and says "I just gotta ask, how the hell did you do that?" . The guy looks at the bartender and says "well, the first time I went out there, I told that old horse my dick was bigger than his". The bartender says "well, ok, but how did you make him cry?". The guy looks at the bartender and says "the second time I went out there....I showed it to him".
 

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A man had a dog name Tacks. One day the man opened the door and in come tacks.
 
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